Big Surprise... No Surprise

My surprise was no surprise at all... I will write more later on it...

Oh yeah I asked my boyfriend to marry me!!

Loserchick

Going Home

I am so excited!! I am going home to Iowa. I am leaving tomorrow at like 1:30 pm. I am going to Des Moines and my boyfriend and a parent of a friend of mine is going to pick me up. My friends don't know about it. It is going to be a surpise.

I can't wait to see the look on some of their faces! I am so excited I finally get to go back home after living in a month of hell!

I think everyone will be happy to see me except my ex! But he is a butt-hole... He doesn't count in my book for anything. Don't get me wrong, we are still friends and everything but he did nothing but use me it feels like. Now he is doing the same thing to the girl he is living with now... What a bunch of crap that is huh?

He can apparently fall in and out of love so quickly. You see before we started going out he was engaged to a girl and they broke up because he used her and wouldn't get a job. Well... they were engaged about a month after they got together. That is the same thing that happened to him and I. Now, he is with a 16 year old girl who he "loves" and they are engaged... ok WTF... he is 19 years old. She was 15 when they started "dating" However, I wouldn't call it dating all they pretty much do is have sex. WOW... How can someone have such a life? How can someone just use people like that? I don't understand how he sleeps at night!!

Anyways... I didn't come here today to rant and rave about him. I came to talk about how excited I am that I am going back!! I am just too excited for words!!

Well... I gotta go!!!

Loser Chick

Christmas

Well... it is the day after Christmas and I am so tired... I have done nothing but cook and clean for the past 2 days. I am not complaining because in the end it was all worth it, and I had a lot of fun. I got up at 5am both mornings and it was nothing but "GO GO GO" since then. I got up early this morning as well... I have got a lot of packing, cleaning, and laundry to do. I am so excited.

My boyfriend and I are doing great. I can't wait to get to see him. He stepped on a nail yesterday and refused to go to the hospital. It made a little upset but no biggie.

I guess I need to get back to laundry and the work. I have so much to do and very little time. I hope everyone had a very Merry Christmas.

Love ya always~
Loserchick

mErRy ChRiStMaS

Image by FlamingText.com

Hello one and all... I hope everyone is enjoying the holiday season... ISN'T IT GREAT?

I probably won't get to post anymore before CHRISTmas... so I hope everyone has a very Merry CHRISTmas!!!


Love always~
LoSeR cHiCk

Juilliard Results

This was my week for Juilliard. I guess everyone would like to know my results...

First... I have to explain how the scoring goes.... You have 1st chair... You have five spots for them... you have 2nd chair... and so on and so on....


Ok... on Monday I got... chair # 2 in the 1st chair section. YAY me...

Today... I got chair #1 in the first section....

In other words... I am in!! I got in... WOO HOO!! GO ME!! I am so excited... I have been so excited all day!!!

GO ME GO ME!!

In The Christmas Spirit

I have been suffering for the past couple of weeks with people calling me a Grinch. All because I wasn't in the Christmas Spirit.

Even though I am sick and feel like crap I am finally in the Christmas Spirit. It feels so good because all of the sudden it doesn't matter that the cats messed up my tree and it now has no decorations. I think it will be just as much fun to re-decorate it now than it was then when I was fighting with the cats over the garland.

I helped my soon-to-be step-mom decorate her tree yesterday and do Christmas card. I just got in one of those good moods to where it finally feels like Christmas. LOL

I have been listening to Christmas music and today I even called my mom and talked about Christmas with her. We actually had a conversation with out making each other mad... LOL... Maybe that is the Nyquill talking...

No in all honesty... I really enjoyed talking to her... we are even getting together in the middle of the week to have dinner together. WOW how scary...

Well.. time to go!

Today... IS IT REALLY HERE

Living in the past you won't ever get anywhere. You have to focus on the future and stop dwelling on the past and forget about the "what if's and if I's". You have to realize that no matter how much heart ache and heart break you have been through, the future holds something more for you. The other day I posted some thing and it even helped me. I got it sent to me in an email. This is what is said:



Beautifully Stated

As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let you down probably will.

You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it's harder every time.

You'll break hearts too,so remember how it felt when yours was broken.

You'll fight with your best friend.

You'll blame a new love for things an old one did.

You'll cry because time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose someone you love.

So take too many pictures,laugh too much, and love like you've never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back.
---------------------------------------------


I wanted to share that with everyone again. I guess since I posted it I should take my own advice.

Well... Just think about it... Is today really here for you or are you still living yesterday?

~*~Loserchick~*~

Juilliard is going to suck

I leave for Juilliard on Suday and I am sick...

enough said!

Something to Think About

I got this E-mail from a friend and wanted to share it.

Beautifully Stated

As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let you down probably will.

You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it's harder every time.

You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken.

You'll fight with your best friend.

You'll blame a new love for things an old one did.

You'll cry because time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose someone you love.

So take too many pictures,
laugh too much,
and love like you've never been hurt because
every sixty seconds you spend upset is
a minute of happiness you'll never get back.

Finally...

I finally got my Christmas tree up and well... only halfway decorated. It only took me like 3 weeks to get the tree out of the box and put it together. I just haven't been in the Christmas spirit here lately. People have called me a Grinch. I don't know what is wrong with me. I have even tried to listen to Christmas music to see if it would get me in better spirites and it hasn't helped....

I have had a head ache for the past 2 days and I'm unsure as to why!?!

I have been practicing really hard to Juilliard. I leave on Sunday to go! I am so excited but at the same time I am so nervous. I have a feeling something is not going to go as planned. I just can't put my finger on it what it is though.

My boyfriend and I worked out our problems from the other day. I just don't want us to argue again. It really killed me... I hate arguing with anyone especially the one I love and want to spend the rest of my life with.

Well... Time to go...

**Another day... wasted on rain!**

*~*Loserchick*~*

Quiz Response

Take the quiz:
http://quiz.myyearbook.com/zenhex/quiz.php?id=11865"> size = "+2">What Alcoholic drink are you

vodka
You like to party...but you dont know what your limit of drinking is.

by myYearbook.com -- the World's Biggest Yearbook!

On the Run

I am starting off on another Big Adventure. Big Adventure is my word for running away. I can't smile and play along anymore. I feel so smothered. Everyone has to know my every move that I make. I just can't take it anymore. I just booked a plane ticket for No-wheres-ville, USA.


Everyone keeps telling me I shouldn't run away from my problems. That I can't hide from them. I can't pretend everything is ok when it's not. I am living a life of a liar. I hate it. Everyone just see's what I show them. They don't see that I am really hurting inside. They just see the fake smile I put on everyday. That is all they see. No one even stops to ask how I really feel.

I feel like I am standing in a crowded room screaming, and no one even turns to look. They all think I live a happy life. It is all a lie. I don't. I have not been happy in a long time. Honestly, I don't even know what will make me happy anymore.

I feel like my boyfriend doens't trust me. He keeps asking me questions about everything that is going on down here. He keeps saying he trust me but I know he doesn't.

The song "Because of You" by Kelly Clarkson really fits into this situation. I just can't take it anymore. I want to be alone. My heart is closed again. I don't want to close it again but I am going too. It is because I am tired of all the heart ache and heart break.

**On the Run Again!**

Photography

I have always wanted to be a photographer. I love taking pictures almost as much as I love to
write and sing. Everyone has asked me post some of my pictures online... I have just now got around to it. I hope everyone enjoys. I am not going to do more than 1 photo per entry because it will take forever for my computer to upload anymore.

This picture was taken in the Smoky Mountains.

I hope everyone enjoys....


**Loserchick**

What is family for?

You know how everyone says family will always be on your side and always be understanding? It's a lie!!!

I have always been really close with my cousin. I was her wedding planner and we were best friends. She is the one I helped plan a surprise birthday party for her fiance'. I spent the night with her on Saturday night. I got my hair highlighted and the next morning her mom was going to cut it for me. Well, I got up early Sunday morning and left. I came home and went to bed because I hadn't been sleeping good and I was tired. Well...

She called me at like noon and I was still sleep so I ignored her call. Then my boyfriend called at like 1 and woke me up and I talked to him. While I was on the phone with him she called me 16 times. Finally I gave up on ignoring her call and answered it. She said first thing "I want my money back!" Well... to make a long story short... She accused me of stealing $100 from her.

Ok... I told her I have already been to jail once and I don't want to go back so why would I do something that stupid? She said "How do I know you didn't like it and don't want to go back?" I told her she doesn't know the hell I went through everyday that I was there.

Later, she called and said my dad took her $100 and told her to keep it and if they find thier money bring it back. I confronted my dad and he said he did it to get her to leave me alone and to get her to shut up.

I went to church and of course my phone was on vibrate. She called me 4 times while I was in church. I took my phone off of vibrate and checked my voice mails... I had 2... one from her and one from her fiance'. I was talking with one of the other church members and she called again. I picked up the phone and asked her what was so important that she had to call me 4 times while I was at church? She hung up on me!!

Well... I got to my car and I called back and her finace' answered. I said, "You called me what do you want." He said "We're sorry about accusing you for taking the money and your dad is going to get his money back. We were wondering if you wanted to go to Denny's and get a cup of coffee and talk about this?" I told him," After the things she [my cousin] said and did to me I don't think so. I have tried so hard to get my life back on track and it is people like her who make me want to go and get drunk all over again. I needed a friend, and what she said and did wasn't very friend-like. You guys really hurt me and if all I had to worry about was if you guys were mad at me or not, I would be pretty well off. I have washed my hands of the whole thing and I have washed my hands of you both. I love you and I hope you have a good life."

I think I did pretty good at keeping my cool. I can't believe someone I am so close to would accuse me of stealing money from her. If I needed money she would be the last person on earth I would go to. I would never think of stealing money especially from her. I would go to my parents if I ever needed money.

What is family? Just to cut you down and claim they love you? If so... I never want to be part of anyones family.

Time to go....

**Divorces her family**
~*~Loserchick~*~

*Bangs Head agains Mall Walls*

In case you didn't know... I HATE SHOPPING!!! My mom asked me to go shopping with her tomorrow... Of course knowing me I said yes... WHAT WAS I THINKING?!?! I hate shopping with a passion... especially this time of year....

Why do I have to be the type of person who can't tell people NO? How simple is it just to say no? N-O is that such a hard concept? I hate it that I am so kind-hearted. That is my biggest flaw... I can't tell people no...

I don't know why she called and asked me to go... she knows I hate shopping... especially at malls... People are so rude and the mall is too over-priced...

I don't mind spending time with my mom but come on... Why the mall? I hate this... maybe it will be a good trip after all!!

Well... Time to go...

**Already popping Tylenol for tomorrow!**

Home Alone... AGAIN!

Ok... My dad and his girlfriend were the ones begging me to come home from Iowa. Now that I am home... I don't even see them. I haven't saw them in like 3 days. Usually she would stay over here like 24/7, but now that I am home she is actually acknowledging that she has her own house. I guess my dad is just along for the ride. She has got him so whipped that he would choose her over his children any day. That's the way it was with his last girlfriend too. When she was around us kids didn't exist to them. Some dad huh?

I hate walking into a dark empty house by myself. Just something about it makes my heart skip a beat. I hate being home by myself... It sort of goes back to when I was a kid. My sister and I were home alone. It was an early rainy morning and it was still dark outside. My mom and dad just left for work and my sister and I were watching cartoons. I kept hearing something at the door like someone trying to get in. I told my sister and she called me a liar until she heard the noise herself. Then the noise stopped and we heard two people outside. They were walking around the back of the house. To the back door. My sister got the cordless phone and called my mom at work. My mom called my papaw and the police. My mom, dad, and the police all got there at the same time. They saw my papaw over there with his shotgun and they thought he was the one trying to break in. The police found evidence that there was someone there because our back doorknob fell off into the police officers hand. They found a shoe print in the mud. It didn't match anyones that was there. They never found who was trying to break in. Nor did the search ever go any further.

I think it has something to do with my childhood. I don't know. It is really scary.

Well... I have got to go for now...

**Knifeblade to the heart**

~*~LoSeRcHiCk~*~

I amaze myself...

Everyday I learn something new about my self. Today I learned that I have 6 blogs... LOL... However only 4 get wrote in everyday. Still I think that is pretty good.

I have:
*Blogger.com (or course)
Tagged.com
myspace.com
*melodramatic.com
*blogstream.com
*ialmond.com

Wow that is a lot. The ones with the stars are ones I update everyday... They are listed in order or time I started them. The one you are reading is the first one I ever started.

On a different note. I had a dream that I went back to jail. They put me in a cell to where guys and girls were both in there. I had to sleep with this guy. They put me in this cell without me changing my clothes. Then they came and got me and the guard was the same one who was there before. They took me in this nasty bathroom and made me change... Then my old store manager was another guard who was really sweet. She wanted me to sing to her. Well... she was supposed to be collecting my items and logging them in, instead we sat there and talked. Then one of the guard who hated me when I was really there came and started yelling at me and stuff like that. Then I woke up and called my boyfriend.

What a dream huh? Well... It is time to shower before the flies start buzzing. LOL

**Keep reading about a life a of a loser!**

Waking up to the one you love

This morning I got woke up to the man who I am in love with. I was sleeping and he sent me a text message. I woke up and I read it. I was surprised that he didn't call... but hey a text message works just as good. I called and he apologized for waking me up. He has no need to apologize. I was glad to be woke up that way.

Now, he is out Christmas shopping. I hope he is having a blast. I am so excited that in less than 3 1/2 weeks I will get to see him. Sunday is our anniversary... I can't believe I don't get to spend it with him. That is so depressing. I can't believe we are so far apart. 14 hours apart seems like a million. It seems like we are on total different planets. I can't wait to see him... I am so excited.

To those of you who have never done it... open up your heart and your mind. Don't be afraid of love let love be afraid of you. I finallly did it and look at where I am. I am more in love today than I ever have been! He is my sunshine after the rain. When I am down he knows how to cheer me up without even trying. I find comfort in his glowing eyes and I find warmth in his smile. So those who have closed your heart... I advise you to open back up and give love just one more try. Trust me when people say... "3rd time is a charm" ... It is true.

**More in love now than ever been before**
~*~Loserchick~*~

Last Night

Hello to all of the normal bloggers out there who read my blog. I had a very interesting night last night.... LOL....

My cousin and her fiance' were having an argument and she called me so we were supposed to take one of her co-workers home from work. Her fiance' accused her of sleeping with this guy we were going to take home. Ok... I know better because my cousin and I are so close that she would tell me if she was. Anywho... We went to where she works and no one was there. The guy had already gotten a ride. So... we went back up to my cousins house and she lives next to a bunch of Mexicans... They are totally hot. However, I already have a boyfriend and I am very happy with him. Well... her neighbors and us were both leaving to go to the store and my cousins finance' stopped this Mexican and said I thought he was hot. Well... he got out of his car and came to my car window... Then my cousins fiance said that I could ride with the Mexican to the store. I really wanted to kill him. So I rode with him... He drove like a maniac... He asked for my cell number and of course stupid me I gave it to him...and then he got all touchy touchy with me.

We got to the store and my cousin followed us the whole way because I was so nervous. I got in her car once we got to the store because we were going to a different store. We drove really slow so we could talk about what all was said.

We got back up to my cousins house and as we were pulling in the driveway the Mexican called me. He wanted to know where we were. I told him we were back up at her house. LOL my cousin didn't him in the house. So, we all drank a beer out on the porch. The little Mexican wanted me to go and "look" at something in his house. I went but I made sure my cousin stayed out on her porch just in case...

The guy started kissing me and caressing me... I got mad and left.... I went home....


So that was my night last night. I told my boyfriend what happened. He was mad of course. But I made sure he knew NOTHING happened.

Gotta run and have some fun...

Long weekend.... OUCH!!

I have had a really long tiring weekend. My cousin called me at noon on Friday and asked me to help her plan a surprise 21st birthday party for her fiance'. I agreed of course, I am always willing to help a friend. Well... then I found out it was for the next say.

I stayed up all night boggling my mind trying to figure out what to do. I worked on decorations and everything then everyone got up on Sat. and we hit it hard. Well, the party turned out really good. He was really surprised. He had never in his life had a birthday party before. I was happy that it turned out so good.

Well... last night we all ended up drinking... I had a beer... 2 very strong Strawberry Daqueri's... 3 mudslides... and some Everclear. Well.... I wasn't feeling good all day yesterday anyways so last night I was up sick all night. I didn't get but like an hour of sleep. I have got a head-ache from hell because alcohol, stress, and worry. My eyes feel like they are going to pop out of my head.

Well... I am going to go and sleep!

Hoping and praying for relief!!

**Loserchick**

Same me Different zip code

My mom keeps ragging on me about the way I use to be and how she wants her sweet innocent little girl back. That little girl has disappeared. She no longer exist. I moved to Iowa so I could change. The new me is a "Yankee". I spent my whole life being this nice person who let everyone use me and run all over me like I was some old door mat you wipe your shoes on when you walk into a fancy house. I refuse to be that person anymore.

The person I have become in Iowa is the same person I am now. That is the person I want to be. I know that I have imperfections but who doesn't? I have had my life picked apart since I have been home by my family that claims they love me. When you love someone aren't you supposed to be accepting and open minded? Aren't the people who claim they love you supposed to be willing to accept the fact that you have made mistakes?

A lot of people claim that they are my friends and that they are always here for me. They say that they don't talk about me behind my back. However, they are just as bad as the people who do, because they don't defend me when I can't defend myself. How can they claim friendship and still do that? That isn't true friendship, that is someone I don't even want to associate with. I have had countless people tell me that I keep hurting the people I care about. How is it possible for me to be the one doing the hurting when I am hurt so much myself?

A few weeks ago I took a leap of faith with someone. Now I am in love with that person. And I am scared. I am afraid to be hurt again. I am afraid that I will hurt him. I have the tendency to run away from my problems when things tend to get sticky. That is why I came home to Tennessee. Of course, I did promise my mom and sister I would be home for the holidays, but me coming home has a lot more behind it than that. I was scared. I was afraid that I opened my heart back up too quickly. I thought I wanted it closed, but then I met someone who showed me that not all of the males on earth are horrible black hearted demonic creatures who like to do nothing but break girls hearts. He made me want to listen to happy songs again. He made me want to sing happy songs again. I had an IM conversation with his mother last night. This is and exert from what was said near the end of our conversation. Names have been altered to reveal no identifacation!


---------------------------------------------------------
IMBuddy...... says:
I guess I can only say for you to do what you feel is right.

Loserchick says:
I don't know what feels right anymore.

Loserchick says:
I am too afraid to open my heart up and let anyone love me because I have been hurt to many times before. I am afraid to sing and to write because I am afraid who will hear or who will read my work. My whole life I was told I wasn't good enough. Then EEL came along and showed me that I was. And I am scared to get hurt again. He says he loves me, but how do I know that love is even real anymore?
-------------------------------------------------------------

Well, That is all for now. I guess I better go!

Same Me Different Zip Code!

**XXXloserchickXXX**