Same me Different zip code

My mom keeps ragging on me about the way I use to be and how she wants her sweet innocent little girl back. That little girl has disappeared. She no longer exist. I moved to Iowa so I could change. The new me is a "Yankee". I spent my whole life being this nice person who let everyone use me and run all over me like I was some old door mat you wipe your shoes on when you walk into a fancy house. I refuse to be that person anymore.

The person I have become in Iowa is the same person I am now. That is the person I want to be. I know that I have imperfections but who doesn't? I have had my life picked apart since I have been home by my family that claims they love me. When you love someone aren't you supposed to be accepting and open minded? Aren't the people who claim they love you supposed to be willing to accept the fact that you have made mistakes?

A lot of people claim that they are my friends and that they are always here for me. They say that they don't talk about me behind my back. However, they are just as bad as the people who do, because they don't defend me when I can't defend myself. How can they claim friendship and still do that? That isn't true friendship, that is someone I don't even want to associate with. I have had countless people tell me that I keep hurting the people I care about. How is it possible for me to be the one doing the hurting when I am hurt so much myself?

A few weeks ago I took a leap of faith with someone. Now I am in love with that person. And I am scared. I am afraid to be hurt again. I am afraid that I will hurt him. I have the tendency to run away from my problems when things tend to get sticky. That is why I came home to Tennessee. Of course, I did promise my mom and sister I would be home for the holidays, but me coming home has a lot more behind it than that. I was scared. I was afraid that I opened my heart back up too quickly. I thought I wanted it closed, but then I met someone who showed me that not all of the males on earth are horrible black hearted demonic creatures who like to do nothing but break girls hearts. He made me want to listen to happy songs again. He made me want to sing happy songs again. I had an IM conversation with his mother last night. This is and exert from what was said near the end of our conversation. Names have been altered to reveal no identifacation!


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IMBuddy...... says:
I guess I can only say for you to do what you feel is right.

Loserchick says:
I don't know what feels right anymore.

Loserchick says:
I am too afraid to open my heart up and let anyone love me because I have been hurt to many times before. I am afraid to sing and to write because I am afraid who will hear or who will read my work. My whole life I was told I wasn't good enough. Then EEL came along and showed me that I was. And I am scared to get hurt again. He says he loves me, but how do I know that love is even real anymore?
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Well, That is all for now. I guess I better go!

Same Me Different Zip Code!

**XXXloserchickXXX**