O wonderful bliss

Today has been one of those... "man why did I even get out of bed?" days. I have been so bored I just don't really feel like doing anything either... how depressing...

I have officially decided I hate my life and everything in it. Nothing seems to be going right lately. I feel like once again all my friends don't care and my whole world is crashing down around me. My best friend and I have been fighting more and more lately. Her boyfriend is moving in the house with us. O YAY MORE DRAMA!! I CAN'T WAIT.... NOT!!

I will be going home in like a week or so... I am so excited. I think I just need a little vacation from Iowa for a while. Where else is better than Tennessee (home) to take a vacation? I miss my friends and family but most of all I miss my boyfriend. He lives in a differant part of the state from where I do, but it is only a 2 hour drive for both of us....

You see his name is Frank* and we met online in a christian chat room when we were 14. We have been talking every since then. I developed feelings for him when I was 16 and I wanted to tell him when I turned 17, but I didn't up until a few weeks ago and I am now 19. So, needless to say it has been a rocky road to get to where we are now. He is so wonderful and I love him so much. He has really been there for me. He has helped me turn my life around and stop doing drugs. He is my only reason for waking up in the morning now. I look forward to talking to him everyday. Most of the time we are online with each other and I have my webcam on. He says the sweetest things when he sees me on cam.

Well... G2G for now...

Loserchick

*Name has been changed to a differant name not to reveal identity.

annoyed with anonymous

Ok... there is a person that is really making me mad. They are sending me messages from anonymous. Ok... be a man and let your name show. You don't know me... You don't know anything about my life...

Ok... the whole makeup thing... I had been wearing that for almost 36 hours... hadn't went to sleep or washed it off yet... SO GET OFF MY BACK!!! Come on grow up.

I have been through more pain in the last year to last me a lifetime. You can't even begin to imagine. When you start living in my head and telling me how to feel then you can start talking to me about hurt and pain. Until then FUCK OFF!!!!

Answer to an Question

To who ever you are who commented on my last post... Yes... Pneumonia in July... it was caused by stress and no sleep. My body just shut down on me. Now... how in the world did you find my myspace I have no idea... but thanx for visiting my page. No I didn't have a black eye. I had makeup on that I had been wearing all freakin day.

To who ever else posted... Yes I do talk about killing myself a lot. It gives me relief from my everyday pain!!

Loserchick

An update...

Hello u fellow bloggers... I am just giving you an update on where I have been...

Wednesday night I went to the hospital. I couldn't breathe... and I thought I was going to die right there on the spot.... They put me on oxygen and an IV... They admitted me and told me I had pneumonia. The Dr. told me that I was the youngest person in a long time he has had to put in the hospital because of that. I just got out today. I am doing a little better but I still feel like crap.

Well... gotta go for now...

loserchick

Another Soap Opera Day

Another day in the life of a soap opera!! I am so bored but at the same time I have so much energy... I am don't know what to do but to chat online a little bit!! I have pretty much been online since I have been awake...

I got called a slut last night and it kinda hurt my feelings. I was really upset but now I am over it! Today I got told I looked like a man and that I needed to get a sex change... It really made me mad because then they went even further and said that I was a Hitler Impersonator. That was really insulting because I am half Jewish. I don't know or understand how people can be so cruel and mean to someone else. I hate my life at times like this. It really makes me want to commit suicide even more. Now my day just drifts away into and endless thought of nothingness.

Today I have been so bored that I could just stare blankly at a blank wall and be amused for hours and hours. Just that kind of day. A good day for cutting. Everyone would get mad if I did that though. But it is a good way to take up some of my time. Plus I can bleed out all of the pain in my life! A day now becomes a week and a week now becomes a month. It seems like my life is passing by so slow as I sit and wait on my time to die to come. I feel like that day will never come. I feel like I will be waiting forever for it. WHY ME??!!??

Well... I know you will be sad to hear this if you are reading this but I have got to go for now. I will probably be bored later and post some more.

Bye for now~
Loserchick

Last Night

Last night I did a lot of cocaine and got so smashed with pills. I think I tried to kill myself. I woke up this morning with cuts on my wrist. I can't even remember a lot of stuff from last night. I do know the fireworks were gorgeous. They were so amazing. The ones in Tennessee are so much better though.

I woke up today feeling like crap. I am still tweaking a little bit. I still feel like I need to puke. I am on the phone with an Associate Pastor from my church. He is all like "Jesus loves you child! Come to Jesus" I really don't want to hear that... I am so sick of hearing that.

I am trusting everyone had a good Independence Day yesterday. I had to repierce my lip yesterday. I took out my ring and it closed up...I was so mad.

Well I got to go I will check back with everyone later...

Outy~
LoserChick

Almost 3 months since my last post

Hello everyone. Feels so good to be back on blogger again. Now... I can finally vent and not be afriad. My life is always so hecktick that I never have time to do anything. I am always so tired. I have got a couple of new piercings. I have my eyebrow and my right snake bite. Of course my nose is still pierced. Oh yeah and my ears. I will be posting new pictures on my site if anyone wants to check it out.

I am still living in Iowa. I am actually starting to like it a little more each day. LOL

I have made some awesome friends who I know I will never forget. They have made such an impact on my life in such a way that most of them are life altering. My new friends have taught me not to be afraid to live and to live life everyday to the fullest. They have taught me not to sweat the small stuff and life is too short to think about suicide everyday. I have been taught to hold on to what you've got because you never know when you're going to lose it. And once you lose it you can never get it back.

So, I am now passing on the knowledge I have learned. Everyone... live every day every minute and every second like it is your last. Don't be afraid to take chances and get your heart broken once or twice. It is ok. You will recover!! I promise. Everything will turn out ok in the end. It may not seem like it isn't getting any better now but it really is going to just give it time.

Words of wisdom must come to a close for now.

Love always...
Loserchick