FREEEEAKIN LOOONG TIME!!!!

Wow, it has been 6 years since my last post. I think. LOL. Needless to say my life has drastically changed. I am a happily married 25 year old woman. I have two wonderful little boys. My oldest is 3 1/2 and my youngest just turned 8 months old. They are the love of my life and keep me really busy.

I have been married for 2 years now. I have taken my writing to new heights and have broadened my horizons quit a bit. I don't even know if anyone will read this or not but it doesn't matter.

I love my life now a lot more than I used to. I work hard for what I have so my boys don't have to grow up poor the way I did. I do not speak to my mother anymore. She is one of the main drama causing people in my life and since I "washed my hands of her" about a year ago; my life has been peaceful and wonderful.

I finally got to meet my biological father when I was pregnant with my youngest boy. He is a preacher. His wife is absolutely wonderful. I don't know what my husband and I would do without her.

Well, I think that's enough for now. Maybe it won't be 6 years before my next post. :)

Randomness as the snow falls

I thought since I am sick and the snow is still falling I would write a little bit.

Ok so here goes...

I am back together with my ex-boyfriend. We dated when I was 18. Then he broke up with me because my mom and her boyfriend staired their noses down at him. He knew he broke my heart. But, we have been best friends for 8 years. I was always the person he would call while he was trashed and just wanted someone to talk to! Of course, I did the same to him! LOL.... well, we are back together but... I don't really think it is going to work out. He says he loves me and I know I love him but our relationship seems to be bases mostly on sex. I don't like it. Sex is not always on my mind like it is. Don't get me wrong. I enjoy sex just as much as he does. But, lately that is all we have done. Well, Friday night we did go out. Kinda like a late Valentines date. It was fun. But, we always tend to drink when we are together. I don't know if I like that either. I don't like getting drunk and partying all the time. And for him it is like life is one big party. There is more to life than that. I don't know if he will ever realize that. He is 21. I am fixing to turn 20 and I have goals I want to accomplish. He hasn't set any goals.

I can't wait to get out of my house. I don't really like the snow because when it snows I am pretty much stuck in my house. I live in the mountains so it takes forever for snow and ice to melt off of my road. Don't get me wrong it is pretty but I don't like all the dumb tourist that try to come up my road in the snow and don't know how to drive in it!! LOL... I was out until like 3 this morning helping people get out of ditches. I got sick but it was worth it.

My dad is getting fed up with his girlfriends crap. He does nothing but complain everytime he gets off the phone with her. The woman never shuts up... She could sell ice to eskimos. It is so annoying. She tries to act like my mom. I woke up this morning to her voice and it just put me in a bad mood. I hate it.

My boyfriend told me when I wake up in the morning I am a very vicious person. I have to agree with him. I am not a morning person. I hate being like that in the morning because most of the time it ruins my whole day. Well... waking up sick kinda ruined my day today.

Well, I am going to... until next time... C-YA!!

-xxxloserchickxxx

Why do I do it everytime?

Once again I have met a bad boy. LOL... it's not like were dating or anything but... he is really cool. The first day we met ... we had a 4 hour conversation about random crap. I am not really attracted to him... except for his tattoos.

It is not the fact that I want people to think I'm bad... I am a really country girl... everyone knows that... I don't know what is wrong with me...

Ok... This new guy isn't really a bad boy... he does have tats though... but he is so shy... It is almost cute.... LOL... that is what got me to notice him (his tats). He is so sweet that the first time we kissed... He asked if he could kiss me... LOL... it made my heart want to melt....

I'm outy!

Loserchick

**Why am I attracted to the Bad Boy?**

It seems like all I am ever attracted to is the Bad Boy type. They have either been in jail or prison. They all have tattoo and piercings. I just don't know what it is. I like them so much...

Have You Ever?

Have you ever found that one person that you know you are supposed to spend the rest of your life with?

Well, I finally have. This man is the only thing in my life that has felt right in a long time. Just the touch of his hand lets me know everything is going to be ok. His smile is so comforting and the looks he gives me one of those that says I love you without him even speaking a word.

When we kiss the whole world freezes in time. Nothing else seems to matter when we are together. He makes me feel so special inside and out. His smile is so comforting, warm, and welcoming. Just the little things he does and the little things he says make me feel like a million bucks over and over again. The way he touches me or looks at me lets me know that he is for real and he really does love me.

He drove here yesterday to see me. Man... after 6 years we have finally met. I was so nervous but I played it cool! I knew from the first time I saw him that he was the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. He ended up staying at my house last night. We didn't go to bed until like 6 this morning and I am really tired. However, it was totally worth the time we spent together. We ended up sleeping in the same bed together. WOW, that was one of those thing that feels so right and you know you want to do that for the rest of your life. Sleeping with him made me feel safe. And safe is something I haven't felt in a long time. Just his arms wrapped around me just gave me the extra security. The kisses just made it ten times better.

All in all I think he had a good trip. And waiting 6 years was really worth it. Our feelings are so strong for each other to where I know we have enough strength and faith to make it through anything.

Well... time to go... will talk more tomorrow!

-The Happiest Loser Chick

In Tennessee

I am back home in Tennessee... had a good trip!!! Will post more later!!

2 days and counting

I am so excited I am going home to Tennessee in 2 days... Don't worry I will still post when I have a chance though. LOL

No... the reason I am so excited is because I am hoping to get my life back on track... I want to go back to the girl I once was before I move to Iowa... I was such a good girl and now I am ashamed to even go out in public. I hate the daily attitude I have towards life. It really sucks... In Tennessee I have something to wake up and look forward to. Here... I just feel like it is another day of my life that I have wasted in a drunken state. I have the attitude everyday of "Why do I even get out of bed and try?" In Tennessee I have the attitude of "What is today going to bring for me?" My life in Tennessee actually had meaning. It actually had excitment. People knew me for more than just drinking and partying. They knew me for my good attitude and for my personality. I wish people here could see that. But they don't... I don't know how to show people who that girl is anymore. People here bring out the bad side of me. Maybe when/if I come back I will be changed and strong enough to stay that way. In Tennessee at least I know I have friends who actually care than friends who just use me! I feel like all of my friends here are backstabbers. I hate that feeling. I am not saying when I go home everything will be the same as when I left at a snap of my fingers. It will take a while but at least I know where my true friends are. At least I know that my heart is in Tennessee and it always will be. No matter how many times I move.

I have posted more poetry if you want to go and check it out. loserchickpoetry.blogspot.com
I hope you enjoy it. I am going to go and post some more right now....

Holla' back at me... Leave me a comment or something....

Loserchick

O wonderful bliss

Today has been one of those... "man why did I even get out of bed?" days. I have been so bored I just don't really feel like doing anything either... how depressing...

I have officially decided I hate my life and everything in it. Nothing seems to be going right lately. I feel like once again all my friends don't care and my whole world is crashing down around me. My best friend and I have been fighting more and more lately. Her boyfriend is moving in the house with us. O YAY MORE DRAMA!! I CAN'T WAIT.... NOT!!

I will be going home in like a week or so... I am so excited. I think I just need a little vacation from Iowa for a while. Where else is better than Tennessee (home) to take a vacation? I miss my friends and family but most of all I miss my boyfriend. He lives in a differant part of the state from where I do, but it is only a 2 hour drive for both of us....

You see his name is Frank* and we met online in a christian chat room when we were 14. We have been talking every since then. I developed feelings for him when I was 16 and I wanted to tell him when I turned 17, but I didn't up until a few weeks ago and I am now 19. So, needless to say it has been a rocky road to get to where we are now. He is so wonderful and I love him so much. He has really been there for me. He has helped me turn my life around and stop doing drugs. He is my only reason for waking up in the morning now. I look forward to talking to him everyday. Most of the time we are online with each other and I have my webcam on. He says the sweetest things when he sees me on cam.

Well... G2G for now...

Loserchick

*Name has been changed to a differant name not to reveal identity.